Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
