My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I need water and some morals
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
