I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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