I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
