Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
