I bet he comes in French.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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