im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
