It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
