1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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