girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
