All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
