Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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