I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
