I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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