And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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