SEEEEXXX PLEASE
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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