I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
