Fine. I'll sleep in my office
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
