Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
