Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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