She announced her abortion via fbk
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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