whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize