you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
