Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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