My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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