Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
no, he came in my armpit
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
