sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
please don't ironically join a cult
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