Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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