He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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