So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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