My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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