I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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