Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You are the jesus of drinking
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
