Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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