i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
