she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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