I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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