So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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