I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
