he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
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he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
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You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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