he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
