those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
