At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize