you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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