if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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