I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
