Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
