There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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