Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
