After last night, I could never be a politician.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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