I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough