Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Houston, we have a squirter
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.