have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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