I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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