Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
