I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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