In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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