Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
