gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
