Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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