If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
