i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
