He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
