I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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