weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
