Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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