Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
accomplished twins. life is a go
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
