does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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