I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
