Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
