we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
