if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He kissed a someone with a penis
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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