i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
