Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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