Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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