Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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