I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
